Leslie’s Blog

March 6, 2012

Curiouser and Curiouser

Filed under: Thimk — Leslie @ 10:24 am

she looked down into its face in some alarm

“Do you think that women who take birth control pills really know how they work? Maybe they think that if they take them after having sex, it prevents them from getting pregnant.”

It was an honest question posed to me by an educated man, but the question made me wonder if it was men who might be unsure of how birth control pills work.

I responded by saying that , “…I had to believe that women who took The Pill for the purpose of preventing pregnancy were educated by their gynecologists as to how it worked… getting pregnant, or not getting pregnant, was something that consumed a good bit of women’s waking consciousness for their entire lives.”

Once I had said, “…it was something that consumed a good bit of women’s waking consciousness for their entire lives,” my mind went off in a different direction.

I realized that “getting pregnant” was probably way far down on the list of things with which men concerned themselves, and it hardly came under the category of “consuming a good bit of their waking consciousness for their entire lives.”

What if there was a ‘condition’ that men were, for the most part, biologically required to experience, that would consume a good bit of their waking consciousness for their entire lives?

I love an analogy, so I tried this one…

”What if at age 13 all men automatically lost their left arm… it just fell off… and if they had sex, it automatically grew back? But it was Against The Law for a man to have a left arm after the age 13, and if he did get caught with a left arm, it meant a sentence of 18 years duration, a subsequent lifetime probation, and a hefty financial penalty… do you think it would become something that consumed a good bit of men’s waking consciousness for their entire lives?”

“And what if there was a Pill, let’s call it His Expensive Legal Pill, H.E.L.P. for short, which allowed men to have sex without their arm growing back? Would it be covered by their insurance?”

A curious question for curiouser and curiouser times.

~Leslie~

February 4, 2012

Push-Up Pops and Creamsicles

Filed under: Baby-Boomer,Mom,food,stories — Leslie @ 2:25 pm

It was the doldrums.

I was draped sideways across the turquoise painted Adirondack chair in the backyard like a soggy beach towel. My mother pushed through the screen door and sat on the back step, letting dangle the dish towel she was holding.

Across the cinder road that served as a driveway between the Johnson’s house and ours, Nephew hung on the rope swing, straddling the knot, holding on with both hands, stiff-armed, head thrown back so it almost dragged the dirt, viewing the world upside down. Every so often he pushed off the apple tree trunk with his sneaker toe, but even that looked too hot to do.

Mrs. Treadwell, Nephew’s auntie, came out of the kitchen door of the Johnson house and leaned her squishy elbows on the porch railing.

It was only early morning, but already we were all waiting for the day to be over.

In the distance I heard the hum of a truck making the curve off of Hazlewood Avenue onto Hart Street, up by the Royal Gardens Picnic Grounds.  I knew by the sound that the driver hadn’t been on this road before, because his tires made a tentative squeal. He was going too fast.

 If he didn’t slow down before the next curve where Hart Street turned into Randolph Avenue, right in front of my house, he certainly wasn’t going to make this curve, and could very well end up in our driveway, or on our front lawn.

I didn’t hear him slowing down. This was going to get interesting.

The intersection of Randolph Avenue and Hart Street was a notorious place for all types and degrees of automotive mishaps. No one was ever killed on that corner, but it was “an accident waiting to happen” sort of place. The problem arose from the local drivers knowing that Hart Street onto Randolph Avenue was the traditional “right of way”, and drivers new to the area made the erroneous assumption, based on appearances, that Randolph Avenue was the through street.  It wasn’t unusual for us to hear blaring horns, the squeal of tires, the whine of bending metal, and the tinkle of breaking glass, followed by loud voices and cussing, sometimes as often as twice a day.

By this time, everybody that was outside heard the truck coming and knew this guy wasn’t slowing down. Despite the heat, we all perked up and waited to see what was going to happen.

My mother got up from the back step and walked into the middle of the driveway in preparation for what was inevitable.  She had been known to run into the middle of some of the worse accidents to help the injured. My father wholly disapproved of that behavior on my mother’s part, but he couldn’t convince my mother not to do it.

It was a delivery truck of some sort, barreling down Hart Street headed straight toward our driveway. If he ‘didn’t make the curve’, he’d run right into the driveway, or  if he  ‘almost made the curve’, he’d run right into the front yard.  My grandfather had strategically placed a number of painted white boulders along the curve in front of the hedges as a deterrent to careening vehicles in the hope of keeping them out of the yard.

 It looked like the boulders, and my mother, were our only hope against this fast approaching delivery truck.

At the last possible moment, maybe seeing my mother standing in his way arms akimbo, or seeing the boulders and knowing the damage they were waiting to inflict, the delivery truck driver corrected  his misjudgment with a massive twist of the steering wheel rather than applying the brakes, and swung the top-heavy truck into the curve. The centrifugal force almost toppled him.  

By some fortuitous circumstance for the driver, and for us … maybe the weight of the humidity in the air acting as a cushion … the truck righted itself, made the curve with a foot to spare between it and the leering white boulders, and missed Calamity altogether.

Or so the driver thought.

The centrifugal force had not toppled the truck, but it had  torqued the body enough that the rear doors of the deliver truck came open in a huge swinging motion, and boxes came spilling out from the back. In addition to the boxes, a huge block of ice crashed to the pavement, smashing and skidding along in the direction of the retreating truck, as if trying to catch up to it wanting to hop back on for the remainder of the ride. The ice twirled to a halt and immediately began to smoke.

Nobody moved.

We’d all seen stuff fall off trucks on this curve before, and typically the drivers turned around in the NatVar parking lot, came back, picked up what had jettisoned, and continued on their way.

We waited.

The sound of the delivery truck disappeared completely and was replaced by the sound of humidity.

Finally my mother said, “Let’s get those boxes out of the road before someone runs over them.”

I knew my mother meant exactly that. There would be no looking inside. Not even if they were boxes of diamond necklaces. She would probably spend the rest of the day on the telephone trying to find the trucking company to report what had happened, and finding out how we could honestly return the boxes.  Such a mommy.

I walked in the direction of the smoking chunk of ice. My mother yelled, “Don’t touch that! That’s dry ice and you’ll stick to it!”  Sticking to something called “ice” sounded pretty good to me at the moment, but the note in my mother’s voice told me I needed to not touch it, “dry” or otherwise.  

I walked back to the less interesting brown cardboard boxes that were scattered in the road and stood and watched as Mom and Mrs. Treadwell each hoisted one, none of the boxes being small enough for me to manage.

As they held the boxes to their sweaty fronts, something happened. They both looked at each other and grinned.

Mom and Mrs. Treadwell made quick trips back and forth from the middle of the road, putting the boxes in the shade of the apple tree, and kicked the chunk of ice off the road next to one of the white boulders.

Completely out of character, Mom began to open the boxes.

The boxes that fell off the long gone delivery truck were filled to the top with ice cream!  Popsicles, squeeze pops, creamsicles, push up pops, fudgesicles, dixiecups, ice cream sandwiches, brown cows. Red and blue and green and yellow, chocolate and vanilla, all cold and foggy with condensation.

And all starting to melt.

Mom ran into the house and called the neighbors. “Do you have any freezer space?”,  she was asking.

 Freezer space?!! For goodness sake, throw out the TV dinners and frozen vegetables in OUR freezer if you need room, I was thinking.

Ruthie and Mary were over in a jiffy with brown grocery bags. The moms and auntie Treadwell spent the next half hour divvying up the spoils and carting it off to their respective Frigidaires. All the neighborhood kids showed up, good news travelling fast, even through humid air.

All summer long we had varieties of ice cream that I had never dreamed existed. The push-up pops filled with vanilla ice cream and layered blue and red syrupy stuff  was a totally new experience for me.  I would never have squandered my one alloted dime on anything other than chocolate, let alone the fifty cents it would have cost to get one of these multi-colored giants.

 I vaguely recall one late summer day when Mom announced that “these are the last of the popsicles”, as she handed me a red one.

Mom never bothered to find the trucking company that had lost the boxes of ice cream. I have to think she thought losing all those boxes of treats on our corner was an appropriate punishment for someone who had been driving too fast in the first place.

~Leslie~

September 25, 2011

Iggy and Tootsie in Bastrop

Filed under: stories — Leslie @ 9:26 pm

There is nothing funny about burying a pet, but I found myself laughing out loud as I dug a grave for Iggy.

We had Iggy for about 12 years, and that is a fairly long time for a green iguana. He had slowed down in his last years and I found him lifeless in his cage early one morning just as the sun came up.

 Iggy had never been a “cuddly” pet, but we had developed a respect and understanding. I was to feed him lots of cilantro, and he was to swat at me with his tail. It worked.

Iggy had grown to a respectable size over the years, and I ‘guesstimated’ him to be about six feet long.

That’s where the “funny” part of burying  poor, dead Iggy started.

I am not an overly sentimental pet owner, but I hate like hell to see them die, and it’s sadder than anything to have to bury them.  I adopt a façade of stoic as I go about the job of digging a grave, and I do a little ceremony in my head as I place my beloved pet to eternal rest. Or something like that.

I pushed the tip of the shovel into the sandy dirt under the oaks and pines at the back part of the four acres I lived on in Bastrop, just off Farm to Market Road 1441.  I had picked a place that I had determined would not likely be disturbed for a good long while after interment.

“That looks like it’ll do,” I said to myself, having dug what I thought to be a long enough and deep enough hole. I had wrapped Iggy in an old cotton sheet, because, not being overly sentimental, I don’t like to look at their poor, deceased bodies once I’ve committed to digging the grave.

I placed Iggy’s long, graceful body into the hole. His long tail ran flat for the most part, but as it reached the far end of the length I had dug, it began to curve up. The grave was just not long enough to accommodate Iggy’s lying flat on the bottom.

Dang.

I lifted his body in the sheet out of the hole and placed him to one side as I picked up the shovel to resume digging.

I thought I had it this time.

Well… I didn’t.  But not by much.

 I had to remove poor old dead Iggy’s body one more time, and continue elongating the Grave that now strongly resembled a Trench.

This is when I started laughing. The whole process had taken on a sort of macabre aspect that I certainly hadn’t expected.  Any dignity that I had wanted to bring to the process had disappeared. All that was left was me, standing in the woods, using a dead iguana as a measuring stick for the trench I was digging.

It took one more “digging and fitting”, but Iggy was finally laid to rest, with his tail lying flat in the bottom of the trench, no tip sticking up.

Only a year before, I had dug a sufficient sized grave, on the first try, in that same oak and pine grove for my big black cat, Tootsie, who had died of old age and kidney failure. He and Iggy were now side by side in my little pet cemetery in the Bastrop woods. I placed limestone rocks over each of them, one big cat-sized one for Tootsie, and a long, long row of smaller rocks for Iggy.

When the fires raged through Bastrop weeks ago, among other things, I thought of Iggy and Tootsie. Silly as it may sound, I didn’t want anything to happen to them. They were my friends. I loved them very much. I hoped the fires had not scorched over their rocks, or burned the trees that shaded them.  For whatever serendipitous reason, the fires didn’t go there.

It seems selfish to be glad that they were untouched. So many people lost everything. My little desires seem so foolish. But I am glad the fire didn’t go there. I wish it hadn’t gone a lot of other places, too.

~Leslie~

August 25, 2011

More Summer Reading

Filed under: books — Leslie @ 1:03 pm

I’m just not kidding when I say I’m tearin’ it up in the reading department. It’s a Book Devouring Blitz.

The Pima County Library has a great online system for reserving books, and, like a kid in a candy store, that and the fact that the ‘candy’ is free, I went hog-wild and reserved a bunch of books. I was thinking that they would become available in dribs and drabs, but not so. I received my automated call saying that the books I had reserved were ready for pickup, so I went to see what had arrived for me.

All of them.

  • Animal, Vegetable Mineral by Barbara Kingsolver (my new fave author)
  • God is Dead by Ron Currie (my other fave new author)
  • Mother of Pearl by Melinda Haynes (fun to read, a bit of spooky, great characters, not so sure I liked the ending, but can’t think of how else it should have ended…)
  • House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus (the angst in this became preposterous for me)
  • Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen (kinda disappointing)
  • The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver (yep. I love Kingsolver)
  • The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz (very good read)
  • The Road Home by Rose Tremain (liked the writing in this. Only skipped a few places when the pacing lagged. Skipping places is a habit I acquired reading Dr. Zhivago. Just couldn’t keep the names straight, so I started skipping. Fell asleep in the movie, too.)
  • Foreign Bodies by Cynthia Ozick (couldn’t finish this one. My review note to self said, “yuk book”. I’m harsh)
  • They’re Watching by Gregg Hurwitz (review notes on this said, “Good read”. Maybe I’m not so harsh after all)
  • Songs Without Words by Ann Packer (I think I skipped large portions of this book trying to get at some plot pacing. Couldn’t find it)
  • The Shape Shifter by Tony Hillerman
  • The Woman in Black by Susan Hill
  • An Irish Country Doctor by Patrick Taylor
  • The Ballad of Trenchmouth Taggart by Glenn Taylor

And I am presently working on Independence Day by Richard Ford.

Told you it was a Blitz.

Leslie

Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress